Dyrk Schingman
▶IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN = I didn’t look up the original reference.
▶A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT = These data are practically meaningless.
▶WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
▶THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY = The other results didn’t make any sense.
▶TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN = This is the prettiest graph.
▶THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
▶THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE OBTAINED BY JONES = He was my graduate student, his grade depended on this.
▶IN MY EXPERINCE = once
▶IN CASE AFTER CASE = Twice
▶IN A SERIES OF CASES = Thrice
▶IT IS BELIEVED THAT = I think.
▶IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT = A couple of other guys think so too.
▶CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE = Wrong.
▶ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS = Rumor has it.
▶A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJETION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS = A wild guess.
▶A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
▶ITIS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS = I don’t understand it.
▶AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES = They don’t understand it either.
▶THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS = Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Shaeffer explained to me what it meant.
▶A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY = A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
▶IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD = I quit.
hehe just for laugh
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